To Fall is to Belong
by IvoryWhiskers
Summary: S8 finale spoilers! After the events of 8x23, Castiel only wants to find the Winchesters. T for language.


**Disclaimer**: obviously don't own it.

**A/N:** I have another short chapter I'm going to post when I finish it, but I'm quite happy how this turned out and since this chapter is very descriptive and the next actually includes proper dialogue, I thought I'd split them =) Season 8 Spoilers!

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Castiel has no idea what to expect when he reaches his final destination; the bunker Sam and Dean now reside in. It's been almost 3 days since he fell; since they all fell. Castiel has spent most of that time making his way over there, sense of direction...not impaired, but very human and basic. With no money and only the clothes on his back, he's survived by hitchhiking his way across the country with only one destination in mind. The words 'fallen angels' fall from the lips of almost everybody he encounters, because thousands of his brothers and sisters falling to earth, wings burning up in the atmosphere, didn't escape the attention of the entirety of human kind.

Castiel knows enough to lie about himself and feign interest in the subject he finds almost unbearable to talk about to his various travelling companions. He introduces himself as 'Cas' as that seems like an easily accepted nickname. Castiel sounds like exactly what it is - biblical and holy; the Angel of Thursday; powerful and righteous; infinite and eternal. The single syllable that is Cas is excruciatingly human. It's broken and crippled and so utterly without grace.

His current ride has agreed to take him the final stretch of the journey, however they stop for another bedraggled figure by the side of the road. Everything about this stranger by the roadside screams lost, broken, confused and ultimately; fallen. The woman in the passenger seat asks her kindly, with barely restrained awe and wonder, if she has fallen and receives a nod in response. They offer to take her to the nearest hospital; as per instructions released on what to do upon finding one of his lost kin. Castiel no longer possess the ability to recognise her on sight - though he still retains the knowledge of every angels name - and she states hers as Leliel. She looks at Castiel like she might know him for a second, but ultimately doesn't comprehend that she does and simply dissolves into silent tears as she climbs in, ignoring questions put to her by the couple sat up front.

For one terrible moment Castiel reaches for the grace he no longer possesses, desiring to push it forth to meet Leliel's, to soothe her, to partake in the simple and common act of touching his grace to the edge of another's to share memory and recent experience and intention. He draws blank.

For the rest of the tense journey Leliel speaks only once, choking the words out around what Castiel knows to be the unfamiliar, terrifying swell of human emotion; "It's so quiet. You have no conception of...it's just so quiet. How can you bear it?" She clutches at her head as she says it and curls in on herself when she's finished, lying in the foetal position, heedless of any suggestion to put on a seatbelt. She eventually, thankfully, falls asleep. As the couple up front discuss what she meant, Castiel remains silent but knows exactly to what she refers. Even tuned out of the internal chatter that runs on varying frequencies and for varying purposes, there was always the awareness of the presence of other angels within his consciousness; a comforting pressure, the knowledge that he was not alone. It's only the fact that Castiel has fallen once before - the slow, painless way that gave chance for gradual adjustment - that allows him to cope where his kin are not doing. That and the sense of purpose, the desire to reach the humans who had once called him family, the idea that perhaps he might belong with them.

When they reach the hospital Castiel helps Leliel out of the car and walks with her and the curious couple to the hospital entrance. He watches the awkward way Leliel walks, the repetitive flexing of her shoulder blades; the attempt to move wings that are no longer part of her and Castiel has to actively fight the urge to do the same. He can almost still feel them, easily able to imagine the flex and pull of muscles that no longer exist. He misses their weight terribly. In attempt at distraction he skims a hand over the air a few inches from the top of his head in an effort to readjust the halo he no longer possess. The pointless motion doesn't help ease the deep, imagined ache in his back.

Leliel is whisked away quickly by a nurse who is joined by what he assumes to be a government official. The couple shrug, accept the brief thanks offered to them and state their intention to return to the car. Castiel feels uncomfortable at the thought of leaving her but realises there is no way he can assert any sort of reasonable argument for being able to stay with her, to know what they will do without revealing himself to be fallen too. He quietly follows the couple back to the car and murmurs his thanks when the man grins and says he's lucky the hospital is so close to where he is heading, they're only 10 minutes away.


End file.
